How to be mindful.
There is a wonderful book by the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron called "Don't bite the hook."
In it she writes
Life has a way of provoking us with traffic jams and computer malfunctions, with emotionally distant partners and crying children—and before we know it, we're upset.
We feel terrible, and then we end up saying and doing things that only make matters worse. But it doesn't have to be that way. It is possible to relate constructively to the inevitable shocks, losses, and frustrations of life so that we can find true happiness.
The key is not biting the "hook" of our habitual responses.
Mindfulness develops your insight and wisdom. You realize that all along there was something tremendous within you, and you didn’t tap into it fully.
It’s about learning to enjoy the moments of your life. Happiness stops being a finish line and becomes a way of traveling through life.
Mindfulness.
It is now a ubiquitous word we see in magazine articles published daily. The claims people make are pretty amusing - It will cure everything that ails you and even more than that :)
And let's face it, easy promises are nothing new.
We love to take ideas and package them in a way that makes it seem magical, like we are missing out on an incredible secret that will solve everything quickly easily, and with no effort, and we bite the hook and get reeled in.
It's our habitual response to look for easy, pain free living. Another word for it is marketing.
I don't have a problem with marketing, but I imagine like you, it becomes exhausting, overwhelming and everything gets over-hyped.
Would you rather live in a world run by ideas people or marketing people, if you could only choose one?
There was a very funny movie called Crazy People, starring Dudley Moore, in which he plays an advertising executive who experiences a nervous breakdown. He designs a series of "truthful" advertisements
He says to his boss - let's just level with America.
So he writes a car commercial for Volvos which says:
Buy Volvos. They are boxy but they are good. We know they are not sexy, but this is not a smart time to be sexy anyway with so many new diseases. Better safe than sexy.
For a Greek tourism ad, he writes:
Forget France. The French can be annoying. Come to Greece. We are nicer.
Needless to say, his boss get’s fired.
We don't always sell good ideas for the right reasons.
We sell the illusions.
Here are a few recent marketing headlines touting mindfulness.
Why Mindfulness Is The Next Revolution In Marketing
The Mindful Marketer: How to Stay Present and Profitable in a Data-Driven World.
The role of mindfulness in entrepreneurial market analysis: The purpose of this paper is to explore mindfulness as a cognitive construct that affects the identification and processing of information during market analysis leading to opportunity evaluation.
Sorry…but what on earth are they talking about?
Mindfulness has succumbed to our obsession with objectifying everything.
However, I had a very enlightening conversation with one of my own mentors, who challenged me to write about the practice without sugar coating it or turning it into a sales pitch.
He had a good point. So here goes.
The unglazed version
He encouraged me to go back to my own history and speak from the raw truth. 30 years ago, I began my practice, which had nothing to do with productivity or any of the other benefits that are touted.
It was about finding answers within myself to the very deepest questions in my heart. It was about trying to find ways to live more skilfully.
Answers that I could not find in a job or at the gym, on a holiday or at a party.
We sell the by-products, not the practice.
Mindfulness is often put in the context of what it can do for us in very concrete terms. Mindfulness has become another victim of the labeling process. And that cheapens it in a way that I am not fond of.
Yes, it can help you age better.
Yes it may help you sleep better.
It will probably reduce your stress and sure, it is going to make you more productive at work.
It will likely make you a better parent, or partner or boss.
And, yes it could help you lose weight.
Presence can bring tremendous benefits to you life.
While these are welcome positive effects that make for great " Top 10 Benefits" articles, the practice in daily life is about much more, and much less.
Mindfulness is a way of entering into a relationship with the moment you are in without numbing yourself.
It's an invitation to identify with what is timeless.
It is a choice to live in a simple way without make believe and covering up the moment with concepts of how it should be.
It's waking, working, walking, breathing, bleeding, going to the bathroom, succeeding, failing, being heartbroken, falling in love, gain and loss.
It’s all of it.
Being mindful doesn’t mean that everything is “ perfect.” It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
It's a living practice.
Often you get lost in your head and you forget the moment, and that's ok. It's part of the practice.
forgetting - forgetting - forgetting - remembering
I invite people to put aside all the value-added benefits of living mindfully and focus on integrating it in a practical and simple way into daily living. Forget about what it is supposed to do and just practice being more present.
Then you will know within your own heart what the true benefits are. You will become your own advertisement.
Ready to relax? Learn a simple meditation to bring calm to yourself.
Here is a little experiment to try:
Fall in love with ordinary moments in your life
So here is my truth in advertising pitch for mindfulness
Mindfulness is very ordinary. It's not always fun. It's simple to practice yet difficult to master, and most important of all, you can't practice it tomorrow, when you're feeling better.
You'll find an extraordinary amount of happiness waiting for you in the most ordinary of mindful moments, if you look.
You may also discover mindfulness is capable of bringing you peace of mind and quietness of heart during those painful, heartbreaking moments you will inevitably face in your life.
I teach and help my clients to learn and practice this ancient art of being present - it is good medicine for learning to live well in daily life.
You can enjoy some free mindful meditations here You can book a free session here