Learning how to forgive yourself.
“It has been said that the continuation of the species is due to man’s being forgiving.
Forgiveness is holiness; by forgiveness the universe is held together.
Forgiveness is the might of the mighty; forgiveness is sacrifice; forgiveness is quiet of mind.
Forgiveness and gentleness are the qualities of the Self-possessed. They represent eternal virtue.”
Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest things to do, especially when you've hurt someone or made a mistake that you regret. But the truth is, holding onto that guilt and shame will only continue to weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward. So, how can you start to forgive yourself and find the path to healing and renewal?
First and foremost, it's important to recognize that you are human, and humans make mistakes. No one is perfect, and it's okay to acknowledge that you've done something wrong. However, it's also important to remember that you have the power to change and grow from your mistakes.
The next step is to take responsibility for your actions. Owning up to your mistakes and apologizing to those who were affected by them can go a long way in the healing process. Remember to be sincere and honest in your apology, and understand that forgiveness from others may take time.
Once you've taken responsibility and made amends, it's time to let go of the guilt and shame. This can be easier said than done, but it's important to remember that dwelling on the past will only keep you stuck in a negative mindset. Instead, focus on the present moment and what you can do to move forward.
One helpful practice is cultivating self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. It's okay to give yourself permission to make mistakes and learn from them. Remember that forgiving yourself is a process, and it may take time, but it's worth it.
It’s also vital to focus on growth and renewal. Use your mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow. Consider what you can do differently in the future and make a plan to move forward. Embrace the present moment and look forward to the future with a positive mindset.
As a coach who works a lot with people to help them in self-forgiveness, I have developed a process to help individuals work towards healing and moving forward from past mistakes. This process is based on the Four Rs of Self-Forgiveness. I’d like to share it with you if you are struggling with feelings of shame or guilt.
Firstly, taking responsibility for the harm caused to another person is crucial. This involves acknowledging the wrongdoing and the impact it had on the other person, and avoiding making excuses or deflecting blame onto external factors.
Secondly, expressing remorse while minimizing shame is important. Shame can be a barrier to self-forgiveness, so it's important to approach this step with compassion and empathy for oneself. Expressing remorse is about acknowledging the pain caused to the other person and showing a genuine desire to make amends.
Thirdly, restoration involves engaging in repair-oriented behaviors and a recommitment to personal values. This means taking action to make things right, whether that means apologizing, making reparations, or changing behaviors that led to the harm.
Finally, achieving a renewal of self-respect, self-compassion, and self-acceptance is essential. This step is about recognizing that everyone makes mistakes, and that one's worth as a person is not defined by those mistakes. It's about cultivating self-compassion and accepting oneself, flaws and all.
So I hope this will help you to remember that self-forgiveness is a process that can be challenging, but with the Four Rs of Self-Forgiveness - taking responsibility, expressing remorse, engaging in restoration, and achieving a renewal of self-respect, self-compassion, and self-acceptance - you can work towards healing and moving forward. Remember, self-forgiveness is not about forgetting the past, but about addressing it in order to move forward with greater awareness, compassion, and self-growth.
With these steps, you can start to find peace and move forward toward a happier, healthier life
I’m David, a Vancouver life coach and mindfulness teacher.
I create personalized coaching programs for my clients, designed to encourage, inspire, challenge and delight you.
People flourish.
Problems get solved.
Opportunities & goals come to life.
If this appeals to you, find time for a conversation.
I work with people throughout North America.